I'm Khushwant, BA (H) Geography, 2nd year and I belong to a very small village in South-West Delhi.

 

From childhood, I knew I was different. Me being different from others is the only reason why I went through all the trauma as a kid.

 

My school life was a complete mess. I repeated class 9th because I hated to go to school and my attendance was always on margin. Maths was my enemy because I've to actually attend classes to understand things and my writing skills didn't help me like it helped in other subjects. The reason why I didn't like to go school is that I was bullied throughout my school life.

 

In same class, my Facebook account was hacked by someone from school. The person who was using my account abused everyone on my friend list and sent lewd messages to all the boys of school. Even, seniors used to come to me and ask if I'm gay and want to please them sexually. I can't put in words, what I went through at that time.

 

My science teacher once asked me to write some notes on green board. I began to write and a guy from back said, "Khushwant, teri to handwriting bhi ladkiyon vali hai" (Khushwant, even your handwriting is so feminine) and entire class laughed at me.

Once a girl came to me and asked if I'm really a boy or not, the same girl was considered topper of our class and I knew that emotional intelligence had nothing to do with academic intelligence.

 

Some guys from different section saw me arm wrestling with one of my classmate and passed a comment, "Tu ladko vale kam bhi karta hai kya?"(Are you into the boys stuff too?)

 

There are innumerable instances which I can't even count. People do say that such statements do not hurt but I've lost my childhood to that constant bullying. I used to cry my heart out in nights so that my mom doesn't get to know. However, some of my teachers told her on phone call that I'm sad all the time in school. I told myself that one day I'll have to tell her. She's my mother, she deserve to know me. I chose my 18th birthday to come out.

 

Although I had practiced it enough on my friends but I the thought of getting abandoned scared the soul out of me. I was afraid all the time. I had many confusions but the fact that my mom loves me pushed me to do it.

 

On 17th July, 2018, after the birthday party, I went to her and said, mom, I will share something with you that I always wanted to share. My mom knew that I was living with a secret. I continued, "I think I'm not attracted to girls, but boys". Silence prevailed for a moment.

She said, "Bas itni si bat thi? Isliye itna dukho rehta tha?" (Is that it? Is this the sole reason why you used to stay so gloomy?)

 

I was overwhelmed with her response, I hugged her and told it's finally over. I will no longer live with regret.

After some months, SC's verdict on section 377 came and it was scrapped. I came home from the school, switched to news channel and I was literally dancing out of joy. My brother and mom were looking at me, I said that a man can now love another man. Although, she still shows her concern over the topic. Once she asked me, "Meri khushi ke liye ladki se shadi nhi kar sakta?" (Can't you marry a girl for my happiness?) I said, "Aapki khushi ke liye mai kar sakta hu, zarur kar sakta hu, agar aapki khushi meri khushi me na ho to". (Yes, I can surely marry a girl for your happiness if your happiness doesn't have space for mine).

 

She never asked me to marry a girl after that.

 

Accepting myself was a liberating experience. I once again started to enjoy things. My attendance was highest in class. I participated in every event without being afraid of being picked out. I became Head-Boy of my school and hosted various events. Not only that, I became a top scorer in academics. It was like, I was getting my life back.

 

Now, I speak for the younger kids who might be getting the treatment I got in childhood. I promised myself that I'll make this world a better place to live for them and for everyone.

 

I recently got to know the our college will have Centre For Promotion of Inclusivity. It excited me as I can actually do my part in sensitizing people and helping others.

 

Besides being gay, I have my personal mile stones as well. I want to learn some languages, travel countries, teach what I've learnt as a professional teacher and the list continues.

 

My message to every person is, never live your life with insecurities. Accept yourself first and then expect from anybody else. We all fight our battles everyday but I believe that everyone of us has the power to get through.

 

We are all warriors. Nothing, I mean NOTHING can make you feel small for being yourself. Never stop loving your individuality, we're individuals first and everything after.